Well, i couldn't blog yesterday simply due to the fact that i was absolutely knackered from #5 living up to her insomniac tendencies.. ( and to be fair last night was the same if not worse). Its times like this when i really struggle on my own.. not having a second pair of hands to help, ease the constant demand that kids so young need 24/7. I have them 24/7 you see, as their father doesn't see them ( his choice, i would love him to see them and take them out..but I'm not going into this as don't want a slander court case on my hands 🤣🤣).
So, the past 2 nights #5 was not having it.. no sleep after 9pm.. i sware she likes all nighters ( I did at the age of 18 clubbing but not at 18months!). She is like a Vampire.. awake all night feeding, and literally sucks the life out of me.. so by 5.30am when she decideds its time to get 'up up' and cannot be placed back down horizontally after dummy insert no.326. I try but shes like a jack in the box who keeps popping up shouting mama from her pit of doom. I eventually give in and take her downstairs. I place said child with yet more milk, her snuggle blue bear, dummy and blanket on sofa 1 and put on Frozen.. (for the 765th time) as this is a safe bet that she should be still for at least half an hour watching it. I then glide my way across the room hoping to magically become invisable to collapse on sofa 2, try shut my eyes for a bit while also trying hard to block out 'do u wanna build a f'kin snowman. After literally 25 seconds i am spotted and attacked.. her new pastime is climbing on my face and trying to extract my nose stud.. a highly irritating obsession of hers...
So after the school & nursery rush.. decided to go for a quick walk to the retail park opposite. 1. For fresh air as my eye lids were struggling to not feel like a brick 2. To give whining crying #5 a change of scenery, she is knackered too ( her own fault.. when will she learn? Just stay asleep yh! ) and 3. I like B&M bargains 🙈. Well this little walk didnt end well.. in fact it will make the sleepless nights 100 times worse... let me explain. #5 has been attached to a blue bear snuggle thing from about 8 weeks old (see photos).. and YES we lost it yesterday 🖤☠😢. I am literally in mourning. To #5 this bear is what a smart phone is to a adult.. never out our hands and constantly with us. Just imagine losing your phone.. i would feel like my life is over/incomplete and i should imagine this is how my poor #5 feels at the moment.. lost and unsettled without the one thing you love that makes you feel secure (well thats how i feel about my phone anyway 🤔😅). All effort was made to retrace steps back to the shops.. and even drive around the area looking for said bear that was obviously chucked out of pushchair in the nano second i wasnt looking (I was probably sniffing the smelly candles or something) 😡😡😡. I will be popping back to the shop i think it was lost in later and hope to god it may have been found snd handed in 🤞. I am not hopeful of it being there tho. I'm actually thinking said 'blue bear' probably threw itself out the pram in a bid to escape.. having #5 whine in your ear all night every night for over a year while being chewed on at the same time would be enough to make anyone want to escape... (i can obviously empathise with blue bears situation). So now the mission begins to intruduce another type of snuggle.. any suggestions from mums out there who have experienced a loss such as this and how to deal with the aftermath, and the transition of a new snuggle would be much appreciated. RIP Blue Bear..... i cannot replace bear as have no idea where it came from nor who brought it her 😥.