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June 2nd 2018

Myself & #5 ( the insomniac)

Morning all... well that was the usual night of broken sleep for me... i actually cant remember when i last had a full nights sleep... if i ever got some decent kip i think my body would be unsure as to what was going on! As per last night, the youngest child #5 thinks sleeping at night is an evil activity and that her cot is a pit of doom... so due to feeling a bit poorly myself, i took said child into my bed hoping that it would have the desired effect of 'mummy comfort' so she would stop the continual whining and whimpering (which I'm sure is on a par with the chinese water torture method) ... you cant ignore it,  it gets to the point where it breaks you..wares you down... give in... and you'll do anything for it to stop... especially at 2am.. so bottle and mummys bed... sorted. So i thought.. how can something so small feel like they have 20 limbs all sticking out in different directions.. occassionaly kicking places that shouldnt be kicked.. then finally sleeping horizontal across the bed so i am on the edge.. not wanting to touch or move the finally settled insomniac child... i have no choice but to try and sleep on what feels like the width of a ruler...!


It's a lovely fresh sunny morning so i plan to take #4 & #5 to a park... i took all 5 of the brood to a counrty park last weekend and it was gorgeous. So depending how long it takes to put 2 pairs of socks on two toddlers, if they run off more than 5 times i will abort sock mission.. 5 "escapes" seems to be my limit before i give up on correct foot protection for park activities... if all goes well.. a nice bit of fresh air and inevitable bumps bruises and the odd tantrum are calling us this morning.. before nap time... god i LOVE nap time ha ha ha. 

  • A bit about Me.. My Top 10 Likes

    😁 Curry
    😁 Nap times!!!!!
    😁 Alcohol.. (except spirits)
    😁 Films
    😁 SLEEP ( yh right)
    😁 gohenry bribe list.. er i mean chore list for #1,2 & 3.. they have to earn money if they want it
    😁 Cuddles ( from my kids only.. adult cuddles resulted in # 1 2 3 4 & 5)
    😁 Cheese ( any and smelly )
    😁 A simple life...? ( not sure that exists)
    😁 When the kids just say "ok mum" instead of a complete 5 minute rant, meltdown or door slamming episode..

  • A bit about Me.. My Top 10 dislikes

    😡 Dust ( there is no reason for it to exist)
    😡 Putting my hand down the sides of sofas ( for a remote/money/ earing loss) finding none of the above and pulling out mouldy grapes and a sour worm sweet 🙈
    😡 Fingerprints on Black or Silver appliances
    😡 Snotty shoulder stains??
    😡 How many batteries #1 & 3 need on a weekly basis to fuel thier black box obsession ( fortnite has not helped this ) hense pre mentioned chores to earn money to buy their own.
    😡 When my fake tan goes wrong and i forget to wash my hands ( orange knuckles for a week is not a good look )
    😡 The constant need for #5 to tip out #4 potty contents if im not fast enought to grab it asap
    😡 Absent Fathers (no comment)
    😡 #1 's taste in expensive sports wear/ designer clothes & ridiculously overpriced trainers
    😡 The fact #1 now has to have 'mens' size trainers.. adding £50 to each purchase ( note I can still fit in junior size 5 trainers so i guess its all balanced... somehow 🤔🤣)

4th June 2018

Just a quick one. Note to self.... do not shout "come on cars.. the F'in light's will change again" with #4 sat next to you.. as being 2.5yrs is talking extremely well and instantly mimicked every word near perfect 🙊.... just hope this is not repeated to her nursery teacher this morning. Luckily i have been gently eased into the usual manic mornings of getting 5 kids ready for the 3 different educational drops i have to endure on a daily basis... as # 2 & 3 have an inset day... after a half term week.. im sure i can survive one more day with only 3/5th of the brood here... i think... 

Tomorrow they ALL return to their educational institutions and i can once again breath.. the beloved ROUTINE will return and a sense of control over the house, chores and school runs will once again rein in my over worked, under slept, drained brain. 

8th June

Well... its the morning after the night before.... yes i am talking about the start of Love Island.. the main reason i like this programme is that it is possibly the ONLY time myself and #1 2 & 3 will be in room together after 6pm (even the dreaded black box was turned off!! 😲 )...for about an hour or so at least.. well this rare occurrence may also happen on christmas eve... but thats only due to me demanding a family watching of The Snowman or Father Christmas together.. otherwise Santa won't come...u know what i mean mums... that stupid idle threat we use constantly from about mid september... anyway i digress sorry.  Back to last night, by some kind of micale both #4 & 5 were BOTH actually asleep by 8 (i told you the school routine after a week off is worth its weight in gold sometimes!!), not that #5 insomnia stayed asleep but i got enough time to tidy up calmly, potter in peace for a bit and watch the fall out from Phealen being FINALLY killed off by the ugg boot wearing Anna.. then 9pm approached...

Gathered the brood all taking prime viewing positions around the lounge.. leaving me.. their tired nearly 40 year old mum sitting on the bloody floor.. but to not start WW3 on who will give up their sofa spot for me, i let it go. Apparently #1 needs a whole sofa to himself to ly down as he is the biggest, oldest and has a bad knee. Well tonight i will be the biggest, oldest and have a bad back. I found this time with the 3 big ones quite educational... to start with i learnt that #2 & 3 cannot sit in the same room with eachother for more than a nano second at a time without deliberately winding eachother up.. giving each other annoying death stares, ending up in a small amount of prevoked violence... so i was already shouting at them 15 minutes in... anyway this continued throughout the whole programme.. with my constant verbal threats of "shut up NOW or go to bed"... being said several times over (but never actioned obviously) I now remember why i gave up on family film nights. My second bit of education came from #1. During the break i see a flash and him taking a picture of 2 sweets he was just about to eat.. ( i thought this very weird too.. but bear with me.. ) i asked why.. the reply " for my streak". Ok, so now i didnt want to ask... but did... it appears this is a snapchat thing where u have to continually send a photo to someone on a daily basis to get a 'streak score' and this person has to do the same.. 1 a day, if u miss a day you lose your 'streak'' 😅 i was then bonbarded with facts and figures from both #1 & 2 about streaks and other snapchat stats. Thank god Love Island has 50 adverts on each break.. or i would have had to pause the tv 🤣.. so i am now "down with the streaks yh"

We all enjoyed the show and got very peed off at the end - who the hell is he gonna pick...!!!! 🤔🤔. So throughtbout all this #4 slept through 😇😇... #5 didn't 😈😈.. constant rumblings of movememt every 5/10 minutes from the pit of doom (her cot) upstairs. I decided to not run up constantly and only went up twice to re insert dummy or give milk... those who know me, know i am a softy and will pander to the whining.. not last night i didnt ( very proud of myself) and #5 survived this lack of constant mummy attention.. who knew 🤣🤣. So all in all an ok evening... and gorgeous to have my my big ones sitting with me in the evening ( arguments and back chat aside ). I feel that Love Island may actually help me ignore my whining baby more who is actually fine and just an all night attention seeker and give me a little more time with the big ones. Who knew a programme of nearly naked 20 somethings would aid my role in successful motherhood!! ( aka letting #5 whine a bit and re settle herself )

While i was writing this... the play room has gone quiet... #5 has fallen asleep on the sofa on her own.. result. Time for a cuppa and laundry 😣😣. 



10th June

Well, i couldn't blog yesterday simply due to the fact that i was absolutely knackered from #5 living up to her insomniac tendencies.. ( and to be fair last night was the same if not worse). Its times like this when i really struggle on my own.. not having a second pair of hands to help, ease the constant demand that kids so young need 24/7. I have them 24/7 you see, as their father doesn't see them ( his choice, i would love him to see them and take them out..but I'm not going into this as don't want a slander court case on my hands 🤣🤣). 


So, the past 2 nights #5 was not having it.. no sleep after 9pm.. i sware she likes all nighters ( I did at the age of 18 clubbing but not at 18months!). She is like a Vampire.. awake all night feeding, and literally sucks the life out of me.. so by 5.30am when she decideds its time to get 'up up' and cannot be placed back down horizontally after dummy insert no.326. I try but shes like a jack in the box who keeps popping up shouting mama from her pit of doom. I eventually give in and take her downstairs. I place said child with yet more milk, her snuggle blue bear, dummy and blanket on sofa 1 and put on Frozen.. (for the 765th time) as this is a safe bet that she should be still for at least half an hour watching it. I then glide my way across the room hoping to magically become invisable to collapse on sofa 2, try shut my eyes for a bit while also trying hard to block out 'do u wanna build a f'kin snowman. After literally 25 seconds i am spotted and attacked.. her new pastime is climbing on my face and trying to extract my nose stud.. a highly irritating obsession of hers... 


So after the school & nursery rush.. decided to go for a quick walk to the retail park opposite. 1. For fresh air as my eye lids were struggling to not feel like a brick 2. To give whining crying #5 a change of scenery, she is knackered too ( her own fault.. when will she learn? Just stay asleep yh! ) and 3. I like B&M bargains 🙈. Well this little walk didnt end well.. in fact it will make the sleepless nights 100 times worse... let me explain. #5 has been attached to a blue bear snuggle thing from about 8 weeks old (see photos).. and YES we lost it yesterday 🖤☠😢. I am literally in mourning. To #5 this bear is what a smart phone is to a adult.. never out our hands and constantly with us. Just imagine losing your phone.. i would feel like my life is over/incomplete and i should imagine this is how my poor #5 feels at the moment.. lost and unsettled without the one thing you love that makes you feel secure (well thats how i feel about my phone anyway 🤔😅). All effort was made to retrace steps back to the shops.. and even drive around the area looking for said bear that was obviously chucked out of pushchair in the nano second i wasnt looking (I was probably sniffing the smelly candles or something)  😡😡😡. I will be popping back to the shop i think it was lost in later and hope to god it may have been found snd handed in 🤞. I am not hopeful of it being there tho. I'm actually thinking said 'blue bear' probably threw itself out the pram in a bid to escape.. having #5 whine in your ear all night every night for over a year while being chewed on at the same time would be enough to make anyone want to escape... (i can obviously empathise with blue bears situation). So now the mission begins to intruduce another type of snuggle.. any suggestions from mums out there who have experienced a loss such as this and how to deal with the aftermath, and the transition of a new snuggle would be much appreciated. RIP Blue Bear..... i cannot replace bear as have no idea where it came from nor who brought it her 😥.



#5 & 3 'Blue Bear' came everywhere...

#5 on a power nap with 'Blue Bear' 😢😢

11th June

Note: i did have more stuff to blog about yesterday but the loss of ' Blue Bear' has took over. I will however just quickly tell you something regarding #2 from last night... she is 11y.. getting very moody and snappy due to rising hormones coursing through her body... anyway #2 can literally start a row over anything and if i say something in the wrong way it can be hell. She came back downstairs after about an hour hibernating in her room and said " can i help you with aything, shall i feed the fish". I replied a bit shocked " why are you being so nice?" her responce.. " ive just watched a Horrid Henry episode where he was nice to his parents and thought I'd give it a go".🤣🤣 I'll leave that with you guys... maybe i could put that episode on loop or something! #2 reads this a bit so now knows i may be talking about her.. hopefully that in itself my induce a slightly better behaved pubescent daughter! 

God i am in need of a duvet day.. another crap night with #5 and then we were all woken up at 5am... yes 5am.. i can't cope with this time of the morning it feels very un natural  doing the dishwaher and putting a wash in at 6am-  just wrong... especially for a bloody saturday morning. I feel like i am the only mum in the world having to deal with 2 toddlers running around demanding play doh at 5.45am 😴😴.. By 6.05am this activity came to a head when #5 started to try and put playdoh in #4's ears.. first melt down of the day had arrived, 😣😣!


Anyway... #5 lulled me into a false sence of security yesterday evening. Bed at 7, no murmers or mid 'Love Island' hissy fits were heard from the pit of doom.. naively i thought she may actually sleep better tonight.. hummm 🤔🤔. So after #4 & 5 were asleep we had a tv session of watching the biniki clad women, and trunk wearing hunks panicking as to who will be kicked off the show.. while munching on a cheese & buscuits fest with the big ones (everyone loves cheese in this house, even the toddlers) it was lovely ❤


So bed at 10 for me.. #5 still asleep!!!! But only for 7 minutes after i slithered into the room and in to my bed.. trying to distribute my body weight across the bed evenly to reduce bed creaking noises. I sware #5 has an ultrasonic radar which is activated the second i enter the room.. so in those 7 minutes of blissfull peace in bed i fantasized about actually sleeping through and how amazing i would feel in the morning if i did... like a proper mum, planning lots of daily activities and just being happy all day... not the usual shaking, heavy eyed, grumpy, snappy mum i usually am untill cuppa no.3. Well of course this fantasy was squashed as the games began and #5 was up till 12.30, then at 2, 2.30.. 4... 4.30.. and then obviously after all that high quality sleep we had (not) 'up up' at 5am as i said. I really do need a break from this as sometimes it really does get me down. 😢 (sorry... honest emotional momemt/rant on its way). I wish their dad would step up and share the parenting duties occassionally. He really has no clue how bloody hard it is doing it on my own, he doesnt ask to see them, doesn't pay a penny towards them and is obviously losing any bond he ever had with them which i feel so very sad about, but his choice. (just to let you know i was constantly asking him/his mother for months to contact me about him seeing them but he never ever messaged me, so after trying for over 6 months, have now given up and just getting on with it). He is a proper jeremy kyle candidate 😅😅 i used to laugh at that show... never thinking i would end up with the 'absant father' stereotype to my beautiful #4 & 5. Enough of that ( i just slapped my own face btw) .. it's making me sad for the toddlers...


Right well, its abit gloomy outside and i have a house of only 4 girls today!! (WAHOOOO.. NO black box arguments or shouting until said boys return) #1 is playing in a football tornament and #3 has also gone to watch, with their dad and uncle. So maybe some cake making, or sticking arty type activity? Any such ideas are all well and good in my mind but when in practice it involves a hell of a lot of tidying up on my part and several shouty outbursts from #2 who likes to do this stuff with #4 & 5, she does actually enjoy playing Mum for about 5 minutes anyway..  untill the toddlers start to not do it right.. or "shes eating the glue mum" / " shes just chucked 2 eggs on the floor mum" type of shouts i get while trying to actually sit down and catch up on Corro.. So its now 9.30am and #2 has just got up.. comes down moaning she's tired.. 😠 seriously #2... u have no idea what 'tired' actually means.. you have just had 11 hours sleep...!!!! putting #5 for a nap now and time to tidy up  for the 5th time this morning.  Laters guys 👍❤

12th June

Every so often i have a weird urge to sort and blitz the house.. i walk around for days (usually in a state of zombiness 😅) thinking this needs doing, that needs cleaning and it gets to the point i have to do it before my inner cleaning god has a mental breakdown... My bathroom was so sparkly clean on saturday you would have thought a unicorn full of sparkle dust had just danced around in it... so i refused the children the basic right to have a shower or bath... toilets yes (suppose i had too).. but DO NOT touch anything in there.. i wanted to enjoy a perfect bathroom for at least 24hours, all towels aligned... all products sorted neatly in groups.. largest to smallest obviously and not a fingerprint, ramdom hair or splodge of lost toothpaste anywhere.. it was lovely.. i felt like just sitting in there appreciating my cleaning skills! 3 days on and i can see it's decline already. My biggest bug bear (which i really dont understand) is the fact #1 has to clean his teeth infront of the large mirror... from an early age i teach all my #'s to clean their pearly whites over the god damn sick... not to create a snow storm of white flecks on my mirror twice a day 😠. 



I just have to say that i am VERY pleased to announce #5 has been reunited with bluebear snuggle. I returned to the shop monday afternoon asking again and it had been FOUND.. not sure who was happier 🤔 Me or #5!! Im sure bluebear would have preferred to stay in the lost property box with all the other abused snuggle type toys.. but you win some you lose some. Sorry bluebear.. u know i feel your pain.. and we will get through the next however many years of sleepless nights together. P.s i am going to fit you with a tracker so dont even think of trying to escape again!! (am i really just having a conversation with a soft toy in my head?) 

Little Monster ❤

13th June

So, a few days ago #5 hit the 18m mark.. and ive recently noticed a few developments, many of which do not fill me with joy.. For instance, she has just (when drinking) learned to keep said contents in her mouth and then spit the entire mouthful out.. dribbling down chin and onto clothes while spraying everything in a 30cm radium... she finds this highly amusing and then comes running saying 'wet wet' while clawing at her top unsuccessfully removing it, que 5 minute meltdown untill i can get close enough without being attacked to remove top and replace with a new dry one.. this happens about 4 times a day so now i can add another load of washing to my weekly amount of the usual 9+ loads a week.. (make that 12+ if its bed sheet changing & towels washing too😅) like I've enough to do being on my own with 5 kids, without her adding to it. Anyway, she has also developed the decision to remove food substances she doesn't like put on her plate...  its hurled across the room in discrase... where as #4 who is over 2 and a half just removes it calmly from plate and piles it up on the table- i prefer #4's method. So far this week it has happened to carrots, brocolli and er rice.. the rice really messed with my head.. i am still finding grains in weird places days later, (like in the back of grandad dogs pick up). On the up side she has also recently developed a new found love for me and #4.. climbing on us to give ramdom kisses...especially when #4 is napping after nursery,  she will say 'shhhh' and just kiss her leg/bum/hair its gorgeous 😍😍.. closed mouth proper little pecks.. not the open mouth wet ones they first learn to do.. so its not all bad. (see i dont just moan about the things that annoy me about motherhood!) 

Over the past two days after my evening fix of escapist trash reality Love Island viewing,  i then watched the various documentaries on catch up about Glenfell.. a year tomorrow 😢. I found these programmes both very upsetting and humbling. So many lives lost and families devistated. So every time i was getting annoyed with #5 and her insomnia tendencies, i kissed her when re inserting the dummy... feeling thankful that i have all my little family with me no matter how stressed, annoyed or tired i am,  I'm thankful for that. Life can be snatched away without any warning.


(Emotional/Little bit more info on my situatiom alert 😅)


It made me think about #4 & 5's father not choosing to see them in months, not spending precious moments of their infanthood with them is heartbreaking. I get angry/annoyed/ frustrated for them, and i must say that when #4 nursery teacher took me aside yesterday (knowing my situation) to say fathers day cards are to be made on friday and who was she to do one for.. i got very emotinal for my little princess (grandad is being made the card! 💜) and wished he would choose to be in #4 & 5 lives.... oh well as they say.. his loss. 😥 While talking of dads ive not mentiond that #1,2 & 3 see thier dad every other weekend and it works well, he and myself are friends and have a great relationship now (after a wee bit of divorce stress and the odd er fall out and post break up anger 😅 that being years ago but all good now). They have a strong loving bond with him. He supports them in all means of the word.. and for that i am thankfull. 


16th June

Had a couple of very busy days... nothing exciting just the usual with added appointments thrown in, also my phone decided to die on me. (probably the result of #5 chucking it across the room several times a day) It had to be re set, i LOVE my phone, felt like I'd lost an arm. However all up and working again thank god. The only thing is all the apps are somehow in a completely different order, i cant find sh*t and this is highly frustrating. With #4 & 5 up my ass for 90% of their waking day i only have a very small window (seconds usually) to actually ever do anything, and with my new lack of knowledge of app positions, my patience wore very thin. This in addition with PMT..  hasn't bode well when any # has annoyed me this week, i was prone to overreact and go a little crazy at teeny tiny things. #1 & 2 are aware of mums monthly condition and have learnt to just walk away, sometimes saying "chill out mum", well of course those 3 little words wind me up even they then run away, not walk 😂😂. Swiping  from left to right looking for an app you know is there but just cant flipping see it, its driving me bonkers 😠.


So it was my #2 school leavers disco last night, my first born baby girl growing up and joining #1 at senior school, or Academy's as they all are now. She nearly wasn't joining her big bro as was placed at the furthest academy away from home...if it had been any farther away it would have been in a different city!! So i had to go through the very emotional and stressful process of Appealing my case to my preferred school, an experience on a par with childbirth that i do not wish to ever go through again, in fact child birth would be more appealing to me. This appeals process was like being back at University, writing a dissertation about your subject, presenting it and then being interviewed... i had never been so nervous and emotional throughout the whole journey which took weeks, (the only positive was a little weight loss due to stress). Luckily i won my appeal, #2 is going to the Academy i wanted and the lost weight has returned to my middle region 🙈.


So now after school #2 quizzes #1 about all that is 'big school'. She has already shown me a list of very expensive stationary and new bag she requires. (and where to buy them from!!) Also deciding on the colours of new plastic wallets she wants for each lesson, green for science, pink for art, brown for history etc. I told her she sounds like a trivial pursuits board, she looked at me with a very vacant and confused expression. I did not have time to explain myself as #4 had just found my new eyebrow pencil and that was more important to rescue, leaving a toddler with a brown soft type crayon near walls and soft furnishings is never a good idea. Plus, its new, it's mine and shes not having it.. que predicted massive tantrum, i was mentally prepared for the meltdown this time so just ignored her untill she got over it and became distracted by #3 on his ipad... God knows how he can constantly watch a shouty american teenager commentating on how he is playing various black box games... 😲!


Anyway, during one of these big school discussions with #1 & 2 i notice various green stains and dark marks all over his white shirt 😠. I obviously asked and apparently this is the result of a game called "dodge the bush", in which boys push eachother into bushes when walking past and you have to jump, skip or commando roll out the way of it.... obviously #1 is not very good at the game objective and the bush must have won every time. He will now have to either stop playing this highly stimulating after school activity or BUY his own bloody school shirts in future. My point was made. 😂. 

So i decided to treat the brood to a new garden delight this week as per photo. Apart from it being the best place to pick your nose on (#5 🙈), i was hoping it would give them joy and a little more garden entertainment in the sun. It did as much for a very short time...  untill the arguing started as to who's turn it was, how one has been on it for ages (when in reality about 90seconds) etc etc.. sharing 'nicely' with your siblings is not something any of my brood has mastered yet, wether they are 13 or 2. I remember reading once that the key to good parenting is patience.. well, whomever wrote that probably didn't have kids. I love them all dearly but my god sometimes they really annoy me... i feel like an evil version of nanny mcphee, without the magic and child control, i am physically unable to split up 2 or more arguments at any one time. So i kicked them all off the swing, lay on it myself and swung happily ignoring the protests while enjoying a quick game of candy crush (that app, i could find!! 😁). 

# 3 2 5 & 4 pre arguments

18th June

Morning all, well i am finally at one with my phone. Over the past few days i have negotiated it well and can remember the new places my beloved apps are now positioned in! I was planning on being very pro active the past couple of days catching up on bits and bobs.. unfortunately the tiredness has taken over and i have been in full on zombie mode, as the nights have recently been worse than ever 😴. Apart from insomniac #5 taking it to what feels like the next level my bladder has decided to jump on the band wagon too. Going to the loo in the night several times 😠.. yh you may say pretty normal after 5 kids, my bladder having lost any kind of self control it ever had... but not when you have #5's supersonic senses next to you. When i visit the loo.. it is comparable to a scene from mission impossible. I have to slide out of bed like slime oozing off the edge of a table, i crawl on my hands and knees (weight distribution & below pit of doom eye level 🤣) to the door, carefully approach the handle with caution holding in the clicky thing (no idea what its called) while turning... so it doesn't click back out. Any tiny noise will rouse the all night milk drinking monster. So now i have completed stage 1 of operation Bladder Release. Stage 2 consists of me simply walking across the hallway to the loo.. nope. The floor,  if not walked on correctly will make all manour of loud noises, creaks and groans, which are magnified in the depths of darkness. Over the past 18 months i have learnt where and where not to walk... i have to literally zig zag across the carpet like i am avoiding trip wires and hidden mines, i have also found that the toe heel method reduses extra 'movement noise' aswell. So wee accomplished and stages 1 and 2 are repeated but in reverse.. back to bed.. then #5 inevitability stirs... i should have said a while back, but #4 & 5 have their beds in my room, as my humble abode is only a 3 bed house, which i moved into with only 3 kids, i wasnt planning to add to my brood years later ( but mother nature had other ideas).. but it does us just fine and we are happy. 💜


So, in the mornings on waking up (or when #5 decides we should wake up) i have noted the huge difference a year can make as per blow.... 


#4 On Waking Up:


😇 sits up quietly, looking agelic with the best bed hair ever

😇 looks over at me and brightly says morning mummy (heart melts)

😇 jumps into my bed giving loving cuddle and kiss

😇grabs positioned juice and ipad i prepped up in place the previous night (#lazy so i dont have to move if i can help it) 

😇lys back and enjoys a quiet drink while humming to annoying toddler utube favourites "daddy finger" & "baby shark"


If it wasnt for #5 i sware i could retain my horizontal position with eyes shut for up to 45 minutes.. bliss. So next 🙈....


#5 On Waking Up:


😈jumps up to standing position, with crazy ringlet dreadlocked hair looking and sounding like something possessed, grabs sides of cot, shanking it and shouting very loudly " mama mama mama", until she is released onto my bed

😈grabs all water and milk bottles that are next to me and throws them at me shouting "No"

😈 claws at her nappy to be removed, i then change it asap before we get into thrusting mode

😈climbs off bed and runs around bedroom opening all draws and removing neatly folded up content, it goes quiet????

😈gets back on bed.. climbs on my face, attacks my nose ring then kisses me... i smell something

😈the quiet nano second was her morning poop. Change nappy again.

😈grabs the remote control throwing it at me shouting "tubbies" so put on Cbeebies and lay her down for a cuddle.... er not gonna happen

😈springs back up and starts wrestling the ipad off #4.. time to get up


I am sure that #5 will soon start to be a little calmer at 5am... i dont want to wish my kids childhood away.. but i cant wait until the day arrives that she will be a little less diatructive and a bit more relaxed  before the day has even began 🤣.


So after the school run and the crazy mornings of shouting from the brood- wheres my PE kit, my tights have a hole in, did u sign my form, why isn't my pack lunch in the fridge, she's just put your toothbrush down the toilet, l need new shoes i dont like these, there is no cereal i like (note there are 8 different boxes in the cubord 🤔) and so on.. i get back home and feed #5. While preparing her porridge i notice that all the fish are er pooing white poo.. (bear with me) upon further inspection i see a load of cashew nuts settled on the stones and skips floating on the top. Now, there can only be one explanation... #4 has a new thing for feeding the fish their flakes with my supervision, she yells at me several times a day that the 'fish are 'ungry' (dont worry they do not get fed several times a day!!). She has obviously took it upon herself to feed them, skips and nuts were nibbles put out one evening to comsume during a nights Love Island viewing session and left on the side at bed time. #4 has at some point climbed up on the side the following day when i was obviously not in the room (was probably hiding in the bathroom taking 5' doing a scratch card or something for a moment of mental space) and fed them to the fish. I hope they'll be ok!! They seem fine and have fresh water now, i may have to try and russle up some sort of child lock on the tank lid 🙈🙈. 

21st June

Morning, quite an unevenful past couple of days apart from the usual various child related stressful incidences. Ive been too tired to do much but managed to drag #5 & myself to tesco for a food shop, which didnt end well. Any form of shopping with #5 is stressfull, apart from going in to buy weetabix ( the ONLY ceral #5 will eat 😠) and leaving with everything but said ceral, she decided it would be a good idea to throw a bottle of fabric conditioner. So, at the checkout all goods placed on conveyor belt wth a bored child who had already consumed a packet of wotsits and several cheese triangles to keep her entertained and from trying to escape the prison that is the seat in the trolly. Well stupidly i took my eye off her and she leaned over grabbing the bottle.. i hear a splat and the lady on the next ilse paying for her shopping shouted 'urgh what the..' the top smashed and the whole bottle contents then escaped with splats somehow reaching a 3rd isle too 🙈. The lady's coat was covered in white creamy dots.. i apologised and she said it needed washing anyway 🤣 so i replied at least you smell lovely for your journey home, i hope she took that in the way it was meant and not in the sense that she didnt smell nice prior to being covered in Lenor. Morning drama over. Then at nursery to collect #4, i was informed from her teacher (Miss H), that #4 had received some time out today for escaping from nursery and running into main school. Miss H is aware that #4 does have a tendancy to move items and climb on them to get to where she wants to be, she has also been perfecting her ecapology tendancies since she could walk at 10months. On the positive Miss H said to me once; that it demonstrates excellent problem solving skills for someone so young. Once home #4 was again told off, this time for opening all the child locks on the cubords exposing stuff that needs not to be played with by little people. After i told her off she simply said " i go sit on carpet now mummy" as this is where time out is at nursery.. i must say i laughed alot and she got a hug instead of 'carpet time' 🤣🤣. So now the child locks are redundant.  #5 was also watching how #4 accessed contraband items.. i needed a plan. So.. my  genius idea consisted super glueing one side of the plascic bit onto its backing,the side i saw her opening.(As my parents will know i am not good with super glue, as a teenager i managed to actually glue one of my eyes shut) scared of my teenage experiance being repeated i crefully used the gorrilla super glue... i was proud on my idea. Until i tried to access one of the cubords.. my plan had a flaw.  You see the other part of the lock is tucked behind the handle so unless you have fingers the size of spaghetti 🍝 it is incredibly hard to access, didnt think that trough did i 😠🤣!! 


When shopping earlier i decided to treat my lawn to some tlc and brought some patch up seed stuff. The poor lawn is conatantly abused from the brood playing on it all the time and now resembles my fathers head in several places (very bald). So i have treated the patches as per photo and in 10/14 days appparently gestation will have occurred and i will have lovely nice grass growing again.. i am dubious and will report back in a week or so with a Grass update..(i know my life is crazy isnt it). Lets see if it does 'what it says on the tin' 🤣🤣!! 


Well #1 has his sports day today, which i am glad about as this means no homework will be set. The last few nights Love Island viewing has been interrupted with homework and test revision. We, ( i mean #1🤣) had to do a fact file poster on a famous regge artist so to not comform I chose ( i mean #1 chose 🙈) Beres Hammond and not the obvious ; Bob Marley... on asking when has it got to be in he replied tomorrow. Me: when was it set? #1: Errr 2 weeks ago - arrgghhh, he does this all the time. 9pm and the homework comes out!! 2 evenings prior to this the same happened with french revision for a test... On the up i am now re connected with several french phrases i used to know.. but will never ever help me in life. At the start of revision, #1 was only getting 2 out of 10 correct, and after some mummy revision and word association techniques he returned the next day with 10/10 on the test, see not just a mum yh.. i can add revision coach to my CV now 😁. During the evening of French revision, again when Love Island was on 😠... #1 & 2 decided to have a 'french off' "what does this mean... translate that then if u think u know it all".. all very educational until i had to start using google translate to end arguments before violence started. Thank god for catch up tv.. 🙈. The main french phrase i remember dates back to my childhood when my parents MADE me go in to a garage (on holiday in france obviously 🇫🇷) and ask for a car wash ticket, after driving through the dusty outback, apparently this was good verbal and listening practice.. ahem. (my dad was a teacher. Point made)


NOTE: I dont mention much of #3 because he has lost interest in Love Island and no longer wants to join me in watching my trash, swimwear wearing, snogging adults tv programme.. the lure of the black box and freedom on his own in his bedroom, he shares with #1 is a lot more appealling!! 

#my dads head. Lets see if it grows!

27th June

Well had a few days off (absolutely shattered, insomniac #5 not giving me a break😣😥😴). I've not had a minute of freedom during this goegous heatwave.. i have literally spent the last few days constantly topping up the pool with hot water, picking up dropped icecreams from the grass before a million ants appear from no where and devour it, washing and drying 20 towels a day because it is apparent that children (of any age) cannot drape a towel over themselves without making it look like a wedding dress... trailing dry grass cuttings and other annoying dusty floor matter and shrubbery into the house. So i am hoovering alot too, in addittion to the endless mopping up of small pools of drained water, as again my brood seem unable to stand on the neatly placed 'floor towels' for more than a second upon entering the conservatory, walking around leaving a slug trail of annoying drips😠😂. Applying suncream to #4 & 5 is also a constant irritation of mine, with their inability to stand still i am chasing them around doing one limb at a time.. a quick job turns into half an hour of me pleading with them to stand still, its 27° and I'm running around after two wobbly bottoms coating them in a thick sticky substance which they do not like! ☀️☀️🌡.


#3 had a school trip today, and even at 9yrs old applying cream to only face neck and arms was a mission,  i was warned to not get any cream near the [tiny tiny] scratch on his elbow as it still hurts.. i reminded him that his little sister, #4, cut her foot open a few weeks ago, needing stitches and was still brave enough to walk, apply cream and jump in the pool (not that she was allowed to after her stitches🙈), so urged him to be a little bit braver when it comes to a scratch that hasnt even penetrated the epidermis!! #3 then went missing for ages... so seconds prior to the stressfull house evacuation for school, i found him in my room, doing a weird side to side movememt holding his t-shirt arms up to his shoulders, in front of the fan.. apparently this was helping him cope with the feeling of suncream all over parts of his upper body.. hummmm. Roll on winter 🤣


Anyway, ( more moaning from me I'm afraid) after 2 school drop offs, i progress to my 3rd.. on the way i have to pass two 'lollipop' ladies, this has recently become a problem to me. Apart from them jumping out into the road catching me every flippin time, (i sware one of them waits until she sees my car then leaps into the road with glee), and letting 765 kids and parents cross, the name lollipop lady has confused my toddler. U see #4 is aware the luminous stick holding beings that make me late are called this and starts shouting "i want a lollipop from the lollipop lady". I  try to explain on a daily basis they do not have lollipops... it falls on deaf ears and i have to endure shouting until we reach her siad place of morning institutionalization.. (is that a word 🤔). Oh.. and of course i do appreciate them really, keeping our litttle bundles safe while crossing roads into their daily educational establishments. They do a fab job even if they do make me late 9 out of 10 mornings 👌. 

Dont Forget to LOOK at my page MENU above 🤓 Funny Rants, Tips, Pics & Bits !!! 👌

@BBC radio with #5 & 2

And just quickly, i was lucky enough to be invited to the local BBC studio to talk about single motherhood on the radio. It was a great morning and i really enjoyed talking about my blog to the world 🤣. Even #5 was out of character and behaved brilliantly, much to my relief. Well almost... until she spied the huge BBC children in need Pudsy bear, which got attacked a few times, and then upon entering the studio she started 'exploring' and had to be taken out by #2. I think Pudsy had made a run for it as had disappeared by the time we returned to the waiting area. Not only did i get to talk about my blog, #2 was asked to record some 'clues' for a part of the show they do on a weekly basis, where children read them out, quite an experiance for us all! So in the past two weeks my brood and I have been in the local rag, on the radio and i have also been offered a regular half page, writing for my local community News magazine. After a very turbulent past 4 years, it seems the saying ' life begins at 40' may after all be quite true. Yes, i am 39.. and the big 40 is only a matter of weeks away!! arrgghhhhh 😂🎉🎉.  

#2 recording the 'clues'

30th June

Happy Birtday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear BLOG... Happy Birthday to yoooooou! 🎂🎉


4 weeks ago today i started this little venture of mine, (well pushed into it by a friend to help keep me sane- you know who you are missi!!) Thank you to everyone who has been reading supporting and sharing for me! Thank you all, and keep reading! 😚❤


#5 even gave me a special little gift of her own this morning... a real life unicorn poop! Her morning relief was literally flecked with an array of brightly coloured bits. For a second my brain failed me then i remembered yesterday's afternoon activity after the novelty of the paddling pool wore off. For the first week it was 'fun' now they are bored of it, and apparently we are to be blessed with another 2 weeks of very high temps ☀️🌡, along with man eating horse flys too so ive read, hope none of my Brood get bitten 😣. Anyway, yesterday we did some colouring and sticking, #5 is still at the "i don't care what it is i am still going to suck chew or try to eat it" stage. Wax crayons.. what can i say, i was constantly removing them from her mouth but obvioisly she managed to knaw enough off to make her poop look positively 'pretty'. 

mine was the real deal 🤣

Well its #2 & 3's school fair today, i was planning on going but already at 9.30am the sun is incredibly hot and i dont relish running around in 27° heat, preventing my offspring from destroying stalls and attacking cake stands. Plus, if we dont go i wont return home with a load of cheap tat and second hand tombola prizes that cost me a fortune... all those 50p games add up, 1 or 2 kids its not too bad but with a possible 5 all demanding money to get their face painted, win a lucky dip or buy a stupid amount of cake (usually only eating half of it anyway). I think i may pass. I did contribute to todays school money making venture tho, i provided a pretty box full of girly goodies (all new), slippers, face packs sweets & body cream etc, for a raffle prize.. see... i am not always a mean, tired, negative grump. 🤔😊

3rd July

Just arrived back from stay and play.. a lovely volunteer led group at my local sure start centre. This is for #5.. she can run, paint, play and get messy all without me having to clean up, so everyones a winner 🤣. Today was a particularly good session as usually #5 is drawn to every cubord and door that is prohibited plus the mops and anything else she is not allowed. Today she gave me a break from saying no a hundred times and only decided to turn on the taps at full blast a couple of times spraying half the room.. (lower level sinks for toddlers).. but seeing as its 26° the other toddlers (and mums🙈) who got drenched didnt seem to mind! So, after at home gave #5 a snack of pringles & cucumber... the green slimy sticks were eaten and she took the crisps outside to eat while i was doing some chores... anyway... she kept coming back in saying 'more', this is her new word and she actually understands it too.. i gave her more.. 2 crisps every time she appeard at my legs... often without me knowing so twice i actually knocked her over stepping back... sneaking upon me like a stealth bomber... quiet as. Seeing as she doesnt usually eat much i decided to embark on a spying mission,  watching her from the garage  window after she went out with a new batch. She was putting each crisp on the floor, stamping on it while shouting 'rarrrrr', then crouching down picked up every tiny broken bit and fed it to the little covered drain hole through the slits.. at least they will disintegrate and not block my washing machime outlet.. at least she was occupied 🤣🤣🤣


I've had a couple of hard emotional moments with #4 recently. She has asked a couple of times "where's daddy". Its like there is a trigger from maybe a programme she's just watched and sometimes happends when #1,2 & 3 see their dad. What do i say to a bright, emotionally alert toddler.. even #2 gets upset for her.. we just change the subject and start cuddling and playing. These are the most precious years that shouldn't be missed, all 'adult' problems aside i wish the effort would me made, but i guess other things in his life are more important than his kids.. ive never understood it as i was constantly told by one of the family members they 'are his life' obviously not. (emotional bit done)


Yesterday i watched my kids roll into their daily educational institutions... somehow over the period of 6 months.. they have evolved from smart pristine uniform wearing kids.. to something that i can only describe as 'shanty town chic'. Trousers are now bouncing around the ankles... white shirts are now very 'off' white, smart school shoes have turned into "just wear what fits you, god sake i am not buying new shoes now" Skirts and school summer dresses now have to be accompanied with cycle shorts underneath to avoid any unwanted embarrassment if a gust of wind catches #2 off guard.. with 2 weeks to go i am glad schools relax the whole smart thing.. it seems that only my kids legs have grown this term as tops are still fitting (even if they are a little grey looking, and i use daz sometimes so their whiter than whites manta is rubbish🤣). Can't wait to have them all lookimg smart and tip top again for the next school year. 


Well, ive not mentioned a little thing going off atm called the world cup. Football. Right I've mentiomed it now.  "Come on ENGLAND" and all that. I hope they win tonight though as it has been a while since we played this well (recent loss not included 🙈). My lounge this evenings will be taken over by a ranting and shouting 13y old boy.. these vocal antics actually draw me in and i end up standing in the middle of the room watching it too! 


4th July

Well what can i say, apart from the fact i literally have no nails left... i dont proclaim to be a massive football fan but i do enjoy the odd England game and this one was one of the best ive ever watched, (entertainment wise). Although I thought football was about 22 sweaty men skilfully kicking a ball. The match looked more like a game of " lets gang up on the guy with the whistle"... a hive of angry bees (minus the stripes 😂) constantly grouping up protesting everything. Karma is a bitch as they say and we won!


Unfortunately my attention was split during the match as #5 wasn't herself, her temperature was in excess of 39° and i couldnt bring it down for hours, so very inconsiderate of her to be ill when England were playing 🙈🤣. Its times like that when i panic being a single mum: always second guessing myself if im doing ok, if im doing it right, no one standing behind me supporting or advising.. it can actually get quite scary and lonely, planning the worst in my head as to who the hell i can call for childcare  if god forbid i have to go to hospital etc. Luckily, #5 is back to her normal self 24hrs later,  but with a nasty cough and slight wheezing... (baby asthma check booked in) shes been running around attacking everything including me, so alls normal! 


I did however endure several moments of panic at around 10pm, the penalty shoot out was going to overlap with Love Island, my brain was at a loss and resembled scrambled eggs for about 60 seconds. Quickly, i nipped on twitter (u can rely on twitter for every bit of instant useless info you'll ever need usually celeb related plugging their products). I danced around the lounge with glee as i saw that ITV2 had just announced that Love Island will now air an hour later after the football... omg.. prayers answered or what 👍🤣. Note: this was the one valuable bit of info that twitter has ever given me. I have  only recently started to dabble in twitter and can't quite get my head around it.. 🤔 but follow me anyway @lauraraerae5 😁😁. Right off to bed to get eaten alive by the midges- so exciting to wake up to see what part of my body will be itching all the following day.. some bites have been in places you just cannot itch in the queue at Lidl for fear of getting arrested. Ahem. 

6th July

Right, just a quick blog today. It will be in list form. I haven't the energy or the patience to write properly. 


1. HOT.. just simply too hot to be awake with demanding children who will not let me sit down for 15 hours straight. After hardly any decent sleep 😴


2. I feel the need to ly like a star fish on the floor of the dark cool lounge between 12 and 3pm, with the fan on me full blast. Hoping that Autumn will arrive 🌫 


3. #5 wont stop dipping her whole head into the pool water, lifting it out and running over maniacally  crying 'wet wet' - i dry her face and wrap her in a towel. The towel is thrown off and the whole process is repeated.. i have given up on on this 'game' now, she will stop soon when she realises she is being ignored (i hope) 😑


4. After school shouting & ranting from #1 & 3, while playing the dreaded black box.. the lagging is 'un real' and 'messes everything up'. Of course this is MY fault.. even though we have the fastest possible broardband i can get from my provider... to resolve this issue "we need to move house to higher ground like all my friends" according to #1.. sure ill just move to stop the lagging (and nagging). Sorted. 😂


5. The amount of flies around.. it is doing #1's head in. This is apparently MY fault too (somehow) because i leave the back doors open.. it is 27° #1, so i am not suhttung the doors & windows [i think he is having a hormonal afternon]. 


6. The fact that said flies seem to be immune to all of the fly sprays i possess.. how is this possible.. if anything it feels that after i've sprayed them... they appear to multiply not die 🤔🤔


7. I have an awful cough at the moment as does #5.. everytime we have a coughing fit #4 comes over and rubs/taps our back... very sweet 😍😍 ( not realisisng sje has a very hard 'tap' for a 2y old and often exaggerates the cough😂) 


8. #5 is slowly learning words and relating them to their correct meaning. While sitting down enjoying the 26th episode of 'In the (high on acid) Night Garden' together.. she was bending down and kissing her foot saying 'poor poor' as she'd scraped it. Very cute to watch the first couple of times... but after 45 times of kissing her own foot i got up and did the washing up 🙈


9. Love Island is awsome at the moment, rows, betrayal, gossip, tears and anger...the producers must be rubbing thieir hands with joy 💲 I'm loving it!! But i do think megan is little bit of a er.... tart? She had 25k worth of surgery done to look how she does.. I  call that cheating or am i just jealous of her body🤔... I obviously looked like that before 5 kids 🤣🤣


July 9th

Well, firstly COME ON ENGLAND! football fever has well and truly hit this house. After saturdays win it is all getting very exciting. The last time england got to the semi finals i was about 6... and remamber it well NOT 🤣. Even #5 has been watching it, running up to the TV shouting 'GOAAAL' and doing a lovely little jumpy legged chunky thigh dance all of her own.. althought this occurrs even when a goal has not been scored.. adorable all the same. Due to the previous intense matches i have no fingernails left so will have to resort to biting my toe nails on Wednesdays semi final instead 🙈🤣. 


Thank god the temperatures are starting to drop, after what feels like living in spain for two weeks it is nice to wake up and be able to breath with the return of slightly cooler mornings. All the grass around here resembles a layer of yellow dry crispy cornflakes that cruch when walked on. Saying that i have been trying to water my back grass on occassion from the pool contents, note: low reservoirs in the news so use your pool water to save tap water.. You may remember i attempted to patch up my lawn a couple of weeks ago, well as you can see in the photo it didnt work 😠. Error on my part seeding it just prior to the heatwave, so all the seeds were burnt to a crisp giving the local flying animals a tasty treat at the same time. One will have to try again early Autumn, I am determind to not let my grass resemble my fathers head for much longer. 🤣


During this stifling heatwave i thought it may be a good time to try and start potty training #5, seeing as shes spent the past two weeks pretty much naked and smothered in sun cream 😂. So potty is out and she takes interest in #4 doing her business on it. #4 is advanved and has been potty trained from 22m, dry at night since 2ys, and in her own bed since 18m... where as #5 is a completely different story.. not so savvy at everything, but every child is different, and that's what makes them who they are 💜.


Anyway, after lots of coaxing and fun games to entice her to sit on the potty as soon as i see her morph into known 'squat position', she has still not managed to get one pee in it yet! However, when i am not looking she will take it upon herself to get the potty, place it in front of the tv, sit on it and say 'wee wee' which is brilliant.. apart from the fact this only happens whilst wearing a nappy or pull up.. it is like if she sits on it with her bare bum it will do something to her... this i have to work on as she is kind of nearly there! P.s having potty trained 4 kids already.. i am not stressed nor in a rush, as i know it will just all happen naturally one day, sometimes they just need a little push and encouragement!  I also need to mention that while its been hot #4 has occasionally been 'caught' peeing in one of my plant pots.. I  asked why and she replied... 'like the park mummy no potty here' 🙈😕. (FYI the potty was actually in view and she had free access to go up to the toilet too btw). So, at the park a few weeks ago i was caught out with her, so we did the behind a bush thing... with girls you have to hold them in a kind of triangle shape, legs up in your arms bum down type of way, trying to aviod complete saturation of pee down legs (boys have it so easy dont they), and this is obviously where it came from. You can see in the lawn picture, a pot on the right with 2 yellow leaves and one green.. this is the poor plant that has been abused by my daughters ablutions. 

11th July

Well... I've started my Christmas shopping.. just a few tiny stocking fillers, doing it on my own for 5 kids and not revceiving a penny for #4 & 5 from their father in 6 months is i guess just a refection on him as a 'parent' 😠.  Kids arent cheap are they, and like that saying goes about puppys... "not just for christmas" either, its kind of a full time responsibility thing (usually shared between two adults 🤔) for about 18ish years or so I'm told 🤣. I buy 90% sale goods, certain shops have fab sales on this time of year especially clearance for cheap stocking fillers, Next, Argos, H&M, JD etc.. all the places my kids like bits from. I've explaind more on my tips & bits page about my 'sale n selling' idea. 


So the past few days, I have been struggling with what feel like a surge of intense hormones within the house. It appears #2 has discovered how to continually back chat me about absolutely bloody everything, it is driving me mad and really pushing my patience buttons. Even removing her phone for a while and other non physical contact forms of punishment are just taken in her stride 😠. I understand she is at 'that age'.. but to see me get so upset and mad sometimes i just dont understand why they have to carry on.. a key struggle of mine... having to be a mum and a dad to 5 kids 90% of the time can get mentally draining, with no help, support or a break. I sometimes do not know how i stay sane and dont end up locking myself in the car with a bottle of wine or two 😕🤣!


For example #1 & 3 the other night had a complete meltdown saying 'why? Its not fair... you're really mean mum' accompanied by a few tears too.... let me explain- it is 8.55pm, I have finally got miss insomnia to sleep along with #4. I have cooked dinner, tidyied up, sorted the mess that was a pile of dumped school bags and bikes in the garage, watered the plants, bathed the toddlers, folded the washing and the uniforms, prepped up pack lunches, got swimming and PE kits ready. Hoovered and then i assessed the food situation planning the next 3 nights meals in my head. Finally changed into 'my comfy clothes' (or my fat clothes as i call them) then finally sat down for a bit of peace playing candy crush soda, while waiting for Love Island to start or alternatively the insomniac to start (usually both start at the same time because thats how lucky i am- NOT). So i sit, propping my hot throbbing feet up on the sofa, then some of my brood appear from their pits upstairs... i hear the fridge being attacked and a ball bouncing 😠, apparently 9pm is the perfect time to start eating again while playing football in the house. Please tell me you would also say NO to ball games in the house full stop, let a lone at 9pm! My protests stopping their chosen evening activity caused a bit of a row. I explained you have had all afternoon to play a ball game... which you should be doing outside or at the park anyway. This is my hour of peace.. so think on!!! I am obviously now a horrible un fair incosiderate evil mother. May add that to my CV under 'other' special attributes?? 

#tonight!! Come on ENGLAND I predict a 2-1 WIN to us 🤔

12th July

Oh dear England, i think the whole nation has probably woken up with a hangover (not me though 😊) and feeling a bit deflated. #1 was so upset last night, I have never seen him cry like that since he was a toddler and in the terrible twos age 😢😢 (but without the throwing of thomas the tank engine toys this time). I was right about the score though... just er got it the wrong way around 🙈🙈. I tried to perk #1 up by tellimg him he will be old enough to go to the pub at the next world cup...🤣. At least now i can stop talking about football and get back on track with my favourite tv trash Love Island & my favourite soap Corro!! 😁😁

Dont Forget to LOOK 🤓 at my page MENU above for Funny Rants, Pics, Tips & Bits 👌👌

16th July

Don't you just love it when a kind lady with only a few items lets you go in front of her at the check out queue at Aldi (this morning). Not only did i have a sky high packed large trolly of food, #5 was moaning and doing acobatics trying to escape out the barred prison she was strapped into, i didnt know how flexable an 18m old could be until i witnessed the insane positions she gets into trying to worm out the chair belt. One of her legs was over the handle and her back arching with her head leaning back nearly heat butting the box of chocco pops behind her 🙈. I believe this lady took pity on me (thank God) and after chatting a bit while loading  shopping on with one hand and restraining #5 with the other, it appears she has 4 kids, and recognised me 🤔.. i briefly mentioned my blog and it turns out she has come across it and thats how she remembers my face.. its so nice to think other mums like her with multiple offspring are actually reading it!! So if u read this hunni..(you had an American/canadian accent) thanks again for letting me queue jump!!! 😘🤣


I brought #4 a joke sweet sucker as a treat, not only will it rot her teeth it will make her look incredibly stupid/cute. So I just had to buy it. She said its like a "mimi" (her word for dummy) "and a lollipop mummy.. it a mimi-pop mummy" I love this age.. its so innocent and life is so simple, all they have to worry about is what colour smartie to eat first and decide how to not let a sibling steal the toy they have, and to avoid this #4 has decided to hide certin things in my slow cooker in the cubord or in the freezer as i discovered yesterday, upon opening the icecream draw-  i was met by a frozen Upsy Daisy figure and a wand.. yes a Ben & Holly wand!! FFS! 


Well, the heat wave shows no sign of leaving us anytime soon 🌞🌡,and after receiving my recent water bill (remember i have been giving the grass regular drinks and filling and topping up the pool several times over) the children will not be allowed the pool again and only 1 shower a week.. they can wash themselves in their own sweat 🤣🤣 the bill was rediculous!  I let them all pee in my plant pots now to save flushing the loo 😅😅.. maybe #4 was onto something 😁😁!! I cant help but think that maybe this isn't actually a 'heatwave', we are just not used to continued wether like this anymore after years and years of rubbish summers. If my nearly 40y old memory serves my correctly, as a young child I'm sure our summers were regularly warm and hot for several weeks? Better ask the folks on that one. 🤔🤔

#mimipop 🤗😅

20th July

Well is Friday, its been another hot and tiring week, (#5 has been on form at the 'lets not sleep all night' game she is so good at) no one wants to get up, #1 2 & 3 are moaning school is pointless now and we still have 3 more days next week to get through. It feels like this term has been going on for 40 weeks... and i still cant see the finish line... the constant heat hasn't helped either. As much as I like the kids at school the daily morning rush is getting to me now.


As a mum of 5, the thought of several weeks with no school is very unsettling, I feel mini panic attacks brewing whenever it pops into my head filling me with dread.. How am i going to amuse my kids, keep them happy and stimulated. Trying to occupy children of various ages is a challenge. With over 10 years of summer breaks under my belt, I am still no expert on how to survie it without wanting to hide in a dark corner rocking to and fro at least once a week. I have written a few lines on my Tips & Bits page about my survival methods 🤣🤣🤣. The best tip ive got really is to try and ignore your children hoping that they may just magically disappear from time to time or at best, actually all be in the house together for more than an hour without wanting to attack eachother!


My internet is being a bloody nightmare, my WIFI is dropping out  a million times a minute.. so I NEED to call my provider before I actually have a tantrum insted of one of my toddlers 😡. If it does not improve within the next hour #1 & 3 will be having meltdowns upon returning home from school. These XBox based tantrums are not pretty, and I havent the energy to explain (repeatedly) that I am not in charge of the WIFI speed and it is NOT MY FAULT... but of course.. its always my fault 😁. Furthermore if the WI-FI is down I may actually have to engage in some sort of verbal communication with my hormonal teens, an activity I try to aviod when they are hot and tired from another  'pointless' day at school 🤣🤣.


Right, back from school; the WI-FI is working at acceptable speed. The brood have had food. At this moment in time i have #3 & 5 dancing to 'head shoulders knees & toes", #4 is running at high speed though the house and out into the garden, naked, wearing only a pirate hat she made earlier at nursery and holding a fireman sam umrella she asked for as we just had 40 seconds of rain!! Not sure when or where she decided to strip off but she is content and occupied, ive yet to find her clothes though, knowing her shes probably hidden them in a kitchen cubord. #2 is getting ready for the end of school disco (#3 is also going , it took him 20 seconds to get 'ready', #2 has been getting 'ready' for over n hour now). I am already fearing the state of her bedroom, after trying on 300 items of clothes that obviously she cannot possibly put back to where they were originally 'found'. Its called a wardrobe #2, the long black plastic things with silver bendy hooks on are called hangers... Clothes and hangers have a relationship that only I am aware of, it seems, even after several teaching sessions #1, 2 & 3 still cannot understand the perfect marriage these inanimate objects have 😡. #1 is on the Xbox and unbeknow to me (after being upstairs for a few moments) he has morphed into 3x 13y olds all in my lounge, staring at the tv making weird noises and talking (in what sounds like a foreign lanuguage) abut game related tatics and weapons.... while leaving my front lawn looking like a bring n buy bike shop. Got to go and regain control over my house.

#godhelpme 🙈🙈

25th July

Well, its here, today is the end of term! Im not sure if i want to dance around the lounge doing the 'floss' or emegrate (on my own) for 5 weeks and put the kids on ebay at a reduced price for someone else to enjoy 'a once in a life time experience for 5 wesks only' 😂. Anyway, very emotional as #2 & 4 are moving to pastures new. Ive got the whole summer to enjoy with my beautiful brood 🙈. I'm not kidding myself, it is not going to be fun or easy....(there will be some nice bits; when they are all in bed asleep) after surviving 13 summer breaks, i know what is to come 😲😲😲😲. Even after explaining how terrified i am of what the next 5 weeks entail, my doctor still refused to give me the mild sedatives and happy pills that i asked for...🤣 p.s I love my brood more than i love sleep and ive already planned a few "fun" days out for us all... lets hope it cools down a bit tho. 🌡🌡

#3, 5, 4 & 2 taken this morning #lastday

To be honest the past few days have been a bit of blur... I've recently experienced a new level of 'tiredness' that I never knew existed, and its been very tough. You may remember I mentioned #5 being quite ill with a high temp, since that her coughing, bottom problems, temperature and moods have been very draining. I was told it was a virus, however she developed strained breathing along with the cough a few days ago. So ive spent 3 nights on the sofa cuddling her with the tv on, as sleep wasnt an option, 😴😓 (its amazing what rubbish you watch at 3/4am but still have to watch the end of the programme no matter how sh#t it is 🤣). She is still bad but the strong steriods and other meds seem to be helping if only a little 😥🤔. Trying to admisister her medicines is another battle I rarely win. How can something so small suddenly muster up the strength of what feels like 10 men to fight, squirm and thrash about as soon as she sees the little plastic tubes filled with different coloured liquids coming towards her, Yosain Bolt eat your heart out because my god can that tiny being run away from me when she wants too😠. Needless to say most of it ends up over me! And with her not eating l cannot 'hide' it in yoghurts and so forth either!  


I'm not sure how I have managed to function properly as a mum to the the other 4 seeing as my brain must resemble branston pickle. With 20 hours a day of #5 clingy or moaning at me,  its utterly mentally exhausting, I can't wait for 2 or more hours sleep soon!! What I'd  do for an hours help or an hour on my own 😣. I'm not exaggerating, it really is 24/7 for me. #5 is climbing all over me now as I try to type.. slapping my face and headbutting the sofa because she is not embedded under my arm. She will nap in the afternoon but I then have a very active #4 to occupy up untill school run time. Arrrggghhh i just want some sleep!!!!!! 😐😓😴

26th July

I got a total of 3 hours sleep, 50% of which #5 spent in her 'pit of doom', we are back in the bedroom now, so things are on the up!! WOW!! 🤣😴 It was so hot and sticky last night no one could settle, I had #3, 4 & 5 running around the garden at 10pm staying cool, wearing nothing but socks, pants or nappy.... whichever they preferred, although it was quite hard to get a nappy to fit my 9y old 😁😅! So I let them all stay up late, seeing as it was the last day of term and also hoping to god that with a late night  it may contribute to a better nights sleep and maybe a slightly later start to the morning 🤔🤔🤔. 


Ha ha ha... STUPID MUMMY:

So by 5am (after a broken 3 hours) #5 was up, the late night garden antics obviously didnt make a differnce 😡. So in true terrible parenting style, I grabbed the ipad, put on silent and gave her this  portable electronic babysitter... just so I could get a little more time in this cosy horizontal position. Call me a bad mum, I dont care. I'm tired and just want 'a few more minutes' before I have to endure the first day of the 'holidays', which will actually start by going back to the doctors, #5 has had her last steroids this morning, she is still very raspy and rattly - too much effort is needed to 'breath normally'.


I've just tried to cath up on love Island, due to illness and hot sticky evening's, the normal night routines have been aborted. While I try and watch, #4 & 5 have decided to get ALL their toys out around the lounge... probably in a bid to annoy me, making so much noise i give up and assist them in making the room look like Toys R Us after an earthquake! 

Poorly #5 & the digital babysitter 🙈🙈

29th July

Day 4 of summer break...


Mental state: almost EXCELLENT  


Arguments Had: about 8 (maily x box based & pointless arguments about nothing with a hormonal #2, whos backchatting and eye rolling has reached another level of annoying)


House Condition: TIDY! And clean 


Chores Achieved: all laundry up to date, bedroom furniture re arranged (in a bid to do a karma thing just incase it helps #5 sleep better🤞🤞🤔🤔), old school uniform sorted into bags, selling, charity, bin. #5 wardrobe sorted and re arranged, along with yet another lesson on how hangers and clothes work together 😐!


Amount of times Toy Story has been played : 18 (#4 & 5's new favourite film. Why cant they get into psychological thrillers or gory horrors..??? ) 


Excursions Achieved: 1. An afternoon at a pub with park and wacky warehouse (smelly bits of plastic covered blocks, worn ropes and slides probably covered in the verruca virus and herpes. The money eating boxes that produce plastic eggs with pointless pieces of tat in were causing me great stress so we then moved to a bigger park, with a good friend and her girls! Her girls literally babysit mine so i got a few minutes to sit and chat, untill #4 takes it upon herself to climb on another picnic table to get a caprisonne drink out of a box from a fellow park goer' 🙈🙈, toddlers know no boundaries do they. Obviously i apoloised and told #4 to only do such things when no one is sat at the table next time 🤣🤣. 


Got some lovely pics at the park as per below: who said girls cant climb trees! 


P.s absolutely loving the cooler wether and the rain! Being able to  breath normally and not walk around sweating from parts of the body that im sure shouldnt be able to sweat! 


#tirethemout 😁